The rumor that actor Mark Ruffalo might be playing the role of Lt. Columbo for a remake of the popular detective TV series from the 70s has been around for years. It’s easy to see why. Not only does the actor share a similar scruffy, “aw shucks” affability that distinguished Peter Falk in his titular role, but both actors usually convey a steeliness underneath such charms. And speaking of charms, is it possible that a reboot of COLUMBO could help rehabilitate the reputation of police departments in the wake of all their sins cataloged in just the last few years? It couldn’t hurt.

PD PR departments need all the help they can get these days. The murderous actions of so many cops across the nation have been seen by millions due to body cams and witnesses’ cellphones, and it has become its own version of a horrific reality show. And it, unfortunately, feeds into our nation’s gorging on true crime. Even the scripted TV series are too stark, too violent, and trying to be too real. Perhaps we were in a trend of hyper-reality, but after decades of it now, maybe it’s time to swing the pendulum in the other direction. After all, by the time an American citizen reaches adulthood, they’ve seen 200,000 acts of violence on television and 40,000 stories of murder. And those are just in the scripted series. Now, ladle in true crime docs and news shows, and God knows what the number is. What are such impressions doing to everyone’s psyche?

This brings me back to COLUMBO. During the popular TV series' heyday, the good lieutenant didn’t ever engage in gunplay. He hated guns, often spoke of his revulsion for them, and used his brains instead. Columbo shambled about, targeting the rich and powerful in his investigations, those evildoers in the fancy houses who thought they could get away with murder. In fact, shows like COLUMBO and many others from that era made more out of their quirky star sleuths and their brainpower than any attempts at portraying reality. The procedurals of the 70s were clever cat and mouse games more than anything else, and they were a ton of fun to watch. Granted, they were culled from the frothy fictional likes of Agatha Christie's creations, but at least law enforcement came off well in such fare.

The trend seems to be wanting to go in that direction too. The buzz in Hollywood these days is that its producers are sick and tired of all the dark and disturbing movies and shows in their output. Today, they're craving something “more upbeat.” Maybe audiences are too. Maybe that's why the Marvel Cinematic Universe is thriving on the big and small screen. Thus, the timing might be perfect to do sleuth shows centered on fun characters not seen since the likes of Monk and Jessica Fletcher on television.

There’s a reason that filmmaker Rion Johnson’s KNIVES OUT was such a monster hit and led Netflix to pony up $400 million to continue the franchise. Daniel Craig’s Southern-fried private eye Benoit Blanc was smart and funny, a quirky character, just like those sleuths from the 70s, be it Banacek, McMillan & Wife, Kokak, Barnaby Jones, McCloud, the Snoop Sisters, Cannon, Baretta, or Starsky and Hutch. Even Blanc’s name seemed pitch more towards the silly than the solemn. And while his specialty might have been solving murders, Blanc’s crime-solving style in the film, with his Foghorn Leghorn accent and blustery reactions, went down as easy as a Mint Julep. 

There was a bit of class warfare in KNIVES OUT too, what with the modest detective taking on a group of rich and entitled one-percenters. That’s the same dynamic at play in every episode of COLUMBO as well. Columbo’s rumpled raincoat, his middling tastes, his overt politeness - it all may have been an act to lull his prey into dropping their guard, but he always showed the rich bastards that they weren’t above the law despite their stations in life. 

The same was true in BANACEK, the procedural starring the overtly urbane George Peppard as a wily insurance investigator. Unlike Columbo, he was rich and cultured, but like his fellow MYSTERY MOVIE sleuth, he was always the smartest guy in the room. He too made a career out of nabbing white-collar criminals who thought they could ruse insurance companies with their clever heists of priceless paintings or high-priced sports cars. While barely breaking a sweat, tossing off Polish proverbs as if they were Shakespeare, Banacek showed just how those prizes “disappeared” as if he was spilling magicians’ secrets to the masses. It was a very cerebral detective show, another series with very little violence and almost no gunplay. 

Another significant sleuth from the era was Carl Kolchak (Darren McGavin), the obsessive reporter trying to prove that vampires, werewolves, and Aztec gods were still among us and committing crimes against humanity. In two record-breaking TV movies – THE NIGHT STALKER and THE NIGHT STRANGER, and one cult season of a series entitled KOLCHAK: THE NIGHT STALKER, the reporter/sleuth went after the supernatural as if it was all perfectly natural. He was as intrepid as Woodward and Bernstein, albeit with an often unorthodox style of pursuing his prey. (He was known to carry crosses, silver bullets, and holy water.)

Still, despite the naysayers thumbing their noses at Kolchak, including many politicians, police departments, and his exasperated editor Tony Vincenzo (Simon Oakland, always dialed up to 11), Kolchak proved himself to be a great reporter. He exposed witches and ghouls with a track record that would make any scribe today green with envy. And with the press not exactly enjoying a sterling reputation these days either, perhaps a few fun procedurals starring reporters could do the world some good too. 

Whodunnits don’t need to be so dank and dark. Today’s shows seem to want to outdo each other with grisly horrors, unspeakable crimes, and nihilism. There’s so much of it though, that we're starting to become immune to it all. The line keeps moving farther and farther that a scandal like Jeffrey Epstein's pedophile ring can barely last a few news cycles before the breathless newscasts and audiences move onto the next big scandal. It's ridiculous what a nation can get used to.

Could such a steady diet of immorality and death in pop culture also be encouraging the real police to see evil in every single person they come across? When cops draw their guns so easily on those who are minorities or involved in simple misdemeanors, perhaps there's too much horrifying fiction all around that causes one to think that every citizen is a serial killer, hitman, mobster, cartel henchman, bad guy, or bogeyman. 

Thus, a swing 180 degrees in the opposite direction when it comes to the world of procedurals might just be what this new era of hope and renewal and government competence calls for. As a child of the 70s, I can tell you that I’d rather watch a thousand episodes of COLUMBO than one more bleak, nasty cop show or another HLN show about another spouse doing in their betrothed. Sure, I was captivated by the OJ trial 25 years ago just like everyone was, but since then, there’s been far too much true crime on every channel and it's wholly soured my stomach.

Columbo can't return fast enough.